Hey.

Hi.

Hello.

It’s been a while. My absence on the blog has coincided with my absence from the studio, as I’ve taken the longest break from ballet since my spinal injury years ago. It was not a planned break, but of course the biggest lesson of the summer was in being prepared to be surprised. And what a beautifully surprising summer it has been!

Rhode Island, Maine, New York, Colorado. I’ve been living in trees, on ferries, between mountains, and below buildings; smiling and writing and loving every minute. But with our 42nd Season less than 2 weeks away, the reality of harnessing my technique and regaining control of my body is feeling like Sisyphus and his hill.

I have been hesitant to write about this- even in my analog journal- for fear that any sort of negative talk on the subject will worsen the struggle, but the truth is I am having a hard time. The frustration of returning to my body after each summer is always a challenge, but this year seems to be proving particularly difficult. Perhaps it’s the fact that I am more eager and excited to dance than I have been in the past few August’s, or the fact that my unplanned break from ballet has left me further away from “in shape” than I’m used to. Each morning I take class, hating what I see in the mirror, and ignoring these thoughts so not to give them weight. My pointe shoes feels like hooves, my ankles are shaky, my pirouettes are wildly uncoordinated, and my hips crack in every grand battement.

I know I’m not alone here, as so many of us dive back into our full-time schedules this time of year, retraining or summer selves to better balance work with play. I suppose the point of this meandering post is to help me refocus. To remember that all worthwhile things require a bit of toil. All efforts contribute to the cause and progress is not linear.

Whew, more updates to come. Thank you for coming to my TED Talk.