the show must go on


Like most professional dancers, my first ballet was The Nutcracker.  Unlike most professional dancers, though, the very first Nutcracker I ever performed is the same one I have been a part of every year since.  That’s right.  Next week my Nutcracker career- my Festival Ballet Providence Nutcracker career to be exact- turns 17.  I know.

As with any long term relationship, I feel deeply connected to this show.  Our special nuances separate the FBP production from all other Nutcrackers, a fact that I was unaware of as a child.  It was not until I poked my head out from my little Providence bubble into the ballet world at large that I realized how unifying this ballet is.  Companies everywhere tell this same strange story in this same snowed season.  But this one has always felt like mine.  When you are born into a certain production, this is all you know, after all.  The Silberhaus home feels like my own, its squeaky staircase a welcome greeting each December, that stenciled wallpaper a comforting hug.  Misha’s twinkling snowflake crowns represented a goal in my childhood, a badge of honor in my early corps years, and to this day are among my favorites to don.  From angel to marzipan, a great number of Nutcracker costumes have my name smudged into them.  So when I learned several weeks ago that over half of those beloved costumes had been stolen, my heart dropped.

You may have heard, or perhaps you have not, that around 60 Nutcracker costumes, headpieces and props were stolen from our warehouse.  You also may assume that with just weeks to cushion the shock, recover from the upset, and salvage the show, tensions might be at an all time high.  You might assume that our director is losing it, the dancers are spiraling, and the wardrobe department- well, lack thereof- is forfeiting.  But things are not so.  FBP, however stirred, could not be more merry.  The outpouring of love and support from the ballet world I once knew not of has been truly powerful.

To every person who has so generously aided in the piecing together of our dear Nutcracker, I offer 17 years worth of my most sincere thanks.  You are the spirit of December.



Another bit of light from the darkness, this letter from one of our youngest cast members:



For more about our costumes and the companies supporting us:

The Rhode Show

Broadway World

Providence Journal

for tickets.

balance, balanchine, and broken bones

In so many ways, this season has been one that I will always remember.

I started out by taking a little trip down memory lane, recreating two pieces I first performed in high school…546956_3917191296764_1686849931_n156490_3966715814846_1748587314_n

…and also performing in an explosive World Premiere by the edgy Georgian choreographer, George Birkhadze, who currently resides in Boston with his beautiful Boston-Ballet-Soloist wife.  Performing alongside me in this particular piece were two of my best friends.  How lucky am I to have the honor of sharing the experience of learning, rehearsing and performing a brand new work with two of my besties?!601918_4290054418109_642117256_n

Next came The Nutcracker.  Considering the fact that I have been onstage in this very production of the holiday classic for 14 years now, the fact that I can call this one memorable is a biiig deal.  This year I was challenged with the role of the Spanish divert.  With blonde hair and Scandinavian roots, I had several meltdowns about the intimidating task of performing with that unmistakable snappy Spanish flare before dancing the role opening night and surprising myself with a confidence I never knew I had.  Special shout out to Alex for making it one of the most fun parts I’ve ever danced!548767_4140715164721_1205807527_n

After Nut came our collaboration with the Rhode Island School of Design’s fashion/apparel department and Boston Ballet’s Boyko Dossev for Little Red Riding Hood.  The second installment of Boyko’s choreography on FBP designed for a young audience, this show was accented by hand-made (by students my age!) costumes, each more interesting than the next.  We also got to model in the RISD fashion critique, and a few of my fellow bunheads are walking (and dancing?) in the world-famous RISD fashion show this weekend!  How cool!12977_4448438137603_1496460035_n 999c2881

The next show, Agon & Orchis, was without a doubt the most memorable of my career so far.  My first time ever performing a Balanchine work would have been memorable enough, but Agon surpassed even my own expectations.  What an incredibly daunting and rewarding ballet it was.  I’m telling you, Agon is known to be one of Mr. B’s most complicated ballets (so much counting!) and performing two very different roles forced me to really think, instead of relying on muscle memory.  Such a unique experience!  Working with one of Balanchine’s original dancers, Sandra Jennings, was equally amazing.  I mean, she is a legend in the ballet world.  Growing close with her and hearing her feedback on my performance was incredible.  Orchis, an all-new contemporary ballet and the collaborative brainchild of choreographer Viktor Plotnikov, photographer Cemal Ekin, RI glass artist Toots Zynsky, RISD fashion department head Beth Bentley, Russian composer Sonya Belousova, and lighting designer Alan Pickart, will not soon be forgotten by anyone involved, including our audience.  There’s little I can say for Orchis besides masterpiece.  A genius, surreal, gravity-defying work of art.  I will always remember this ballet, and look forward to hopefully dancing it again one day.  I even made it into a major Turkish magazine!734409_494802730582057_621539993_n 577228_4638749775275_1357548708_nHurriyet 74408_4646266523189_445316378_n 74431_4646267563215_938506634_n

Also contributing to my inclination toward this show is the fact that following opening night’s performance, I was promoted from Apprentice to full Company Member.  This is something I have been working toward since my first time dancing in a ballet 14 years ago.  To have all of the blood, sweat and tears I’ve shed throughout the years recognized in such a public and exciting way was so special.  A fulfilling moment in my life that I will hold onto forever, for sure.482297_10152654690810385_817495648_n

So then it was on to my first performance with my new company status.  Another round of original and classical works for the upcoming Up Close series.  I was to perform in 3 different pieces.  This is when the back pain I’d been feeling all year started to get real.  I would walk home slumped over like an old woman, and spend weeks at a time flat on the couch, unable to bend or twist at all.  I pulled it together enough to dance one of the pieces I was cast in, as well as an encore production of Little Red that same weekend.  Doing so, however, left my back in more severe pain than I’d ever felt before.  The company dove into rehearsals for our Spring show, The Sleeping Beauty, in which I was cast in several of my dream roles…Bluebird and Lilac Fairy.  But as the company rehearsed, I watched from the side in my corset-like back brace, trying to pick up the choreography and intricate miming without tipping to either side, as not to upset my angry back muscles.  It was only a few days later when I received my first ever bone scan, and became aware of the stress fracture in my spine that I’m convinced has been hanging out back there for quiiiite a few months now.  So that was that.  I left the hospital with a fracture, a heavy heart and orders not too dance for 6-8 weeks.

This injury, however sad and painful, has brought to light some kind of strange inner peace.  To have my pain justified, the opportunity to see my friends perform Sleeping Beauty, new Parisian plans to take French language classes instead of the dance intensive this summer…these things have all changed me for the better.  I remember the first time I fell onstage.  I was performing Musicbox, the solo pictured in the first photo of this post.  After I came off stage, one of the principle dancers with FBP, who was also my teacher at the time, told me, “Welcome to the club.  Every professional dancer has at least one big fall.  Now you’re one of us.”  I will never forget those kind words.  Now, as I experience the hardships of my first real injury, her reassurance that these things are all part of this profession comforts me.  Knowing that I am not the first, and will surely not be the last ballet dancer to suffer a spinal stress fracture keeps me balanced.  In a way, it almost feels good- emphasis on the almost– to think that this injury is a result of all my hard work this year.  A badge of honor, so to speak.  So now that it’s summer, cheers to a wonderful season full of ups and downs (but mostly ups!), locating my inner sass, Balanchine counting and petit allegro, floating Orchids, a promotion and a stress fracture.  Next up, Paris!  Stay tuned…

mama red riding hood

Disclaimer:  If you’re already sick of all the fashion/ballet fusion I’ve been rambling about on here lately, you should probably just stop reading now.  ‘Cause I’m about to go all ballet-fashionista-rina on ya…

This March, FBP will put on a world premiere production of Little Red Riding Hood as part of our children’s Chatterbox Theater series.  What’s the twist, you ask?  Well, this classic fairytale has (dub)stepped out of the woods and into the streets of Manhattan!  That’s right.  Little Red stars as your average Waldorf-Vanderwoodson befriending, Henri Bendel-perusing, upper east side-dwelling trust fund baby with a knack for style and chocolate chip cookies!  While the concept may sound a bit rough around the edges right now, I assure you this show will be packed with energy, excitement, pizazz, and of course, fabulous dancing.  And if that’s not enough, I can promise you right now that the costumes alone will be worth the $25 ticket.

Why’s that?  The students of Rhode Island School of Design’s Fashion Design Department are designing them exclusively for FBP!  HOW COOL IS THAT.  It’s okay to be jealous.  I’m not judging you.

Above are some photos from the first day of fittings at RISD, as well as the preliminary sketches of the costume I will don as Little Red’s mom (not to be confused with “Big Red Riding Hood”….trying to avoid that nickname early…for obvious reasons…)  What do you think?!  Tres chic, no?