For the past few days I have been a ghost of myself. Just a shadowy version of me, zombie-walking through life with sore legs and a blank expression. But physical exhaustion will do that to a person, right? It’s starts with a tired body, then the mental slump kicks in, and before you know it you’re surrendering to a meltdown and it’s complete emotional defeat.
It’s strange how bad things can snowball quietly somewhere in your spirit without you even knowing…and then explode in an instant. Ballet has a way of creating these inner blizzards. And when they surface, staying positive seems damn near impossible.
Yesterday hit me like a ton of bricks. Preparing for Boundless Plotnikov next weekend as well as our spring Up Close On Hope series (opening in 3 weeks) has me working overtime, and it’s been utterly consuming. I flip from organic Orchis to comical Sharps and Flats to turbulent Surrender to Balanchine’s romantic Tchaikovsky Pas de Deux to the sultry La Esmerelda pas, learning even more choreography in between and leaving little time to just be me. As is par for the course in this profession, the drama of so much work eventually caught up with me. And I got upset. And then I got frustrated with myself for being upset. It’s like what I said before about perception; I should be thrilled to be working so much right now, but I’m so caught up in my own exhaustion that it’s difficult to actually enjoy it. But a wiser, calmer me once preached of the importance of rest and relaxation. So for the rest of the week I’ll be taking my own advice by noticing the positive energy all around me, smiling, and getting to sleep extra early. Sleep tight, all.
photo by A. Cemal Ekin