For the past few days I have been a ghost of myself.  Just a shadowy version of me, zombie-walking through life with sore legs and a blank expression.  But physical exhaustion will do that to a person, right?  It’s starts with a tired body, then the mental slump kicks in, and before you know it you’re surrendering to a meltdown and it’s complete emotional defeat.

It’s strange how bad things can snowball quietly somewhere in your spirit without you even knowing…and then explode in an instant.  Ballet has a way of creating these inner blizzards.  And when they surface, staying positive seems damn near impossible. 

Yesterday hit me like a ton of bricks.  Preparing for Boundless Plotnikov next weekend as well as our spring Up Close On Hope series (opening in 3 weeks) has me working overtime, and it’s been utterly consuming.  I flip from organic Orchis to comical Sharps and Flats to turbulent Surrender to Balanchine’s romantic Tchaikovsky Pas de Deux to the sultry La Esmerelda pas, learning even more choreography in between and leaving little time to just  be me.  As is par for the course in this profession, the drama of so much work eventually caught up with me.  And I got upset.  And then I got frustrated with myself for being upset.   It’s like what I said before about perception; I should be thrilled to be working so much right now, but I’m so caught up in my own exhaustion that it’s difficult to actually enjoy it.  But a wiser, calmer me once preached of the importance of rest and relaxation.  So for the rest of the week I’ll be taking my own advice by noticing the positive energy all around me, smiling, and getting to sleep extra early.  Sleep tight, all.

photo by A. Cemal Ekin


two girl

Last night was one of the most surreal night’s of my life.

First of all, performing Balanchine’s Agon onstage is just as intimidating as it seems, but oh so rewarding when that curtain closes.

Being a part of Plotnikov’s Orchis was absolutely incredible.  There are no words.  During the final pas de deux, I swear you could have heard a pin drop, the audience was so silent.  Amazing.

After the performance, a reception was held in the mezzanine of the theater.  Wine, champagne, tiny desserts, all par for the course.  One thing was different on this night, however.  An announcement was made by the artistic director, Misha.  Someone was promoted- mid season- into the company.  And guess what?  That someone was ME!

I am still so overwhelmed with excitement.  And joy!  And disbelief.  But most of all, pride and optimism.  In a world where we receive corrections (pretty much a run down of everything we did wrong) the moment we leave the stage, having all of my hard work recognized is truly extraordinary.  I can’t wait to perform again tonight and tomorrow, now with a renewed sense of energy and vivacity.  These moments right here, this is why I love ballet.

one more day.

We became moving sculptures in the genius hands of Viktor Plotnikov.72694_490503401011990_2141643510_nWe practiced and perfected the infamous “big lift”.11508_490911080971222_308885423_nWe memorized the incredibly complicated counts that define the “Agon” between Balanchine and Stravinsky.549274_491364484259215_520626236_nWe studied the lines of not only our own bodies, but those of our partners.553286_491740090888321_184200034_nWe worked tirelessly with dedicated Balanchine repetiteur, Sandy Jennings to ensure that each head, hand, and foot movement was exactly right.blogWe were published in a Turkish magazine.
486083_492703234125340_240110261_nWe pushed our bodies to their limits.576313_493423667386630_334851691_nAnd surpassed them.535381_493983373997326_1757694818_nNow we bring you Agon & Orchis.
549390_494358950626435_399566635_nPlease do not miss it.