three-faced

 

dark to light

from day to night

black to white

sixteen swans in flight

a deceitful blight

a vision at height

a desperate love’s plight

triumphant truth’s fight

won with great might

now cracking dawn’s light

her transformation in sight

still daybreak burns bright

sparks of trust reignite

arms open and invite

twisting lovers holding tight

at long last all wrong is right.

-reflections on the Lake

 

What was strange about playing two very different characters in one ballet? I suppose the weird part was how very not weird it felt at all. Countless hours of rehearsal, nights laying awake reconsidering a sly wink here or a sharp gesture there, none of that seemed to matter when the lights hit. Odette’s trapped sadness felt real. The anguishing betrayal was not just a dormant memory in my own life’s experience. It seems a reoccurring theme. Odile’s slippery charm- while not exactly inherent- never felt altogether foreign, as if this persona was one I’ve tried on before.

I have waxed on about ballet life matching up with real life time and time again. I shouldn’t be surprised when this happens, but every time I find myself in awe of this art form’s ability to sink its teeth into my life and reveal bits of me that I didn’t know existed. How odd to have a piece of art explain your own feelings to you.

Thank you, Swan Lake, for being everything you are. The difficult pill that needs swallowing, the instructions manual that appears to be written in some language only decipherable through reflection. The glorious wave of warm sunlight when the water feels too cold to jump in alone. And thank you, Swan Lake, for showing me I can.

 

pleased to meet you

 

Whats your name summer girl?
Will you stay until September comes?
And takes it’s sun from your blonde hair

Whose your type summer girl?
Who’ll hold you tight till the fall comes?
And your life takes you away

I remember seeing you
Before the summer sun touched your pale skin
And now you’re golden
And sitting round the fire with my friends

What’s your name summer girl?
Will you stay until September comes?
And your life takes you away

Whose your type summer girl?
Who’ll hold you tight till the fall comes?
And takes it’s sun from your blonde hair

All the lonely winter days

Crust and brake around like autumn waves
And Massachusetts Bays
And get cast out to sea and gone for good

Who’s your love?
Where will you go when September comes?
And brings your body back to him

Walk with me summer girl
Walk with me till the sun comes
And takes the night, our world, away

Summer Girl, Family of The Year

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i just may

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standing at a precipice

the edge knows me too well

from one chasm to another

to Purgatory, I once fell

but in this jump I find Paradise

tip-toeing across subway grates

it’s impossible to know

at the bottom, what awaits

looking out on rocky cliffs

toes poised, hands ready

I’m the girl who’s always prepared

her heartbeat calm and steady

flitting from one branch to the next

keeping butterflies at bay

now feels like the right time to dive

and I think I just May.

to whom it may concern

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looking for advice?

please, let me advise.

might I suggest

you prioritize?

or better yet,

just reorganize

your values

your thoughts

your should

and should not’s

your stomach

“in knots”

your “can you please stop?” ‘s

now I’m changing the locks

and cutting mine, too

and all that was once so precious to you

it’s no longer yours

so when your heart pours

do not open my doors

do not beg on my floors

don’t show your heart’s halves

cleaved to have-not’s from have’s

you know, some scars surface

and some stay inside

but next time yours itches

remember, I tried

now leave me my pride

I’m changing the tide

not one tear left to cry

so hear this now:

goodbye.

rebirth

IMG_9221.JPGBeen a while since I felt this way about someone,
I’d really really like to know you, more,
Oh oh, know you, more

Oh, your eyes, they sing a song to me,
I’d really really like to go to it, oh, go, oh

And I will oh, open my heart
And I will oh, only for you

Only For You, Heartless Bastards

The reckoning.

A recognizing.

Recommended reintroducing.

A reentering of soul into changing body.

Changing mind, painting face.

Saving grace.

Erasing all trace.

Finding power in this space.

Hello, nice to meet you.

It’s me, we’ve met before.

But now I’m something more.

It’s hard to ignore.

The newness in us, myself and me.

Blooming into being.

Fruitful and all-seeing.

As we walk side by insides,

Rooted, yet free.

-12:14 on a Wednesday, Me, as a personal baptism begins

 

 

duck walk

Swan Lake week is here! Swan Lake week is here. Swan Lake week is here.

Exhale.

My legs are doing quite a bit of traveling this spring. From one doctor’s office to the next they hobble, tight and bruised and sore. But alive. So much more capable than they were before.

Last night I slept for 9 hours straight. What used to be a regular respite, a daily practice with the rotating sun, feels foreign now. Still dark bags hang under my eyes, but their load has lightened. Rain clouds crowd my bedroom windows, but their darkness does not feel daunting. I am awake now, and hanging on to this feeling in the hopes that I might be conscious enough to actually make memories this week.

This weekend we had our first 2 run throughs in under 24 hours. And we survived. And I walked home on air. Dreams are coming true.

For tickets to Swan Lake.

puddles of petals

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dripping red bikes so “JUMP”
so I do
into puddles of petals
blasting off nature’s confetti
and reigniting the celebration

I May march through a thin veil of rain
coat open it’s coating me
a darker shade of green
with every step

bloom, branch, blossom
exploding trees, creaky knees
reintroducing the birds to the bees
the green to the leaves
the warmth to the breeze
the you’s to the me’s…