technique is not the end

Though my posts have been sporadic this year, I have mentioned one of my new favorite teachers more than a few times. At this point he’s STB famous for his revelatory insights (remember remove expectations from the studio and make the perfect mistake?) and in class yesterday, he rattled off another little gem that went something like this:

Allow yourself to dance. Technique is the means, not the end. Technique allows you to dance. Dancing is the point we are after.

Whew, let that sink in. It’s one of those suggestions that seems obvious when you hear it. Of course we are here to dance. This is a dance class, after all. But between the calisthenics of barre and mind-numbing-mirror-staring-nit-picking of center, somewhere that idea gets lost. We stop moving for movement’s sake and start moving for…technique? We’ve got it backwards.

The point of dancing isn’t to make your technique perfect, the point of perfecting your technique is to be able to dance. The more proper your placement, the easier your pirouettes will be. Lengthened muscle work leads to a lighter adagio. It’s not about jamming your body into positions until it breaks. It’s about practicing those technical aspects in the pursuit of dancing. Ah, dancing. It’s so pure, if you allow it to be.

Are you waiting for me to turn this into a life lesson? Some kind of “dancing through life” encouragement? Me too. It’s a concept I still need to put mindful effort into practicing. Perfectionism has ruled my life for as long as I can remember, and in fact, it’s one of the things I fancy most about myself! But perfectionism for perfectionism’s sake (say that 10 times fast) is unfulfilling. Perfectionism for the sake of living at your best, that on the other hand, is a worthy cause.

This lesson is about finding the “why”. Not a groundbreaking concept, but one worth repeating nonetheless. When our days blur into weeks and actions become routines, we tend to go about our business rather blindly, our subconscious convincing us it has a purpose. But often times, we’ve lost sight of the greater purpose as we struggle with the minutia of the micro-tasks that make up the “work” of our lives. We stay up nights worrying about decisions, making pro and con lists, considering every angle, and suddenly we’re imprisoned by the stress of details when the ultimate point is to feel free.

If it’s not glaringly obvious by my lack of clear direction in this post, I have not yet figured this one out myself. I still struggle every day with focusing on my “why” and keeping a looser hold on the perfectionist details. I have been confined far too many times by indecision. But I’d like to remind myself, and whoever else needs to hear it too, that sometimes all there is to doing it, is just doing it. Sometimes, dancing can just be dancing. Take a step back, look at the whole picture, and for a while, enjoy the slightly alarming spontaneity that comes with putting the technique in your back pocket so you can just do some damn dancing.

three things…

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a poem from the #cuttingroomfloor of “the silhouette inside”:

circe can’t go home
oceanid with holographic hair
her formation is terrestrial
every cell hails de la mer

saltwater nymph
imprisoned in her own shell
destined to sway the unwilling
to hold them in her hell

historically avoided
her plea silent like the sea
to be requited is to be understood;
to be understood is to be free

tormented temptress
neither goddess nor goodness, she waits
for the creature who will create her
the only one who holds two fates

circe can’t stay home
her liquid lips must rise
to meet her lightning lover
in the heavy-handed skiesv

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a sneak peek!

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an anniversary.

a year ago, in the glow of your post-show, we shared a bottle of WA in the king’s club and discovered that we both collect matches. you did a jerry seinfeld impression and i sang the praises of providence. we kissed for the first time that night in vail, and spent the next night making excuses to keep walking around the village, willing the sun not to come up. three days later, i cancelled a trip to nyc and drove up to jacob’s pillow to see you. and we knew.

seven months of phone calls and splitting weekends between our cities + five months of quarantining together = one whole year. i’m not one for sappy posts, but boy, you make life good(t).

we bought a house

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on a windy monday

at the end of september

we all shook hands

and signed legal tender

 

with shiny new keys

and dusty cake toppers

turning box after box

into cardboard door stoppers

 

surrounded by trees

and a block all our own

in a little blue place

called fourteen gorton

 

we’re hanging our shirts

and stacking our glasses

making plans to stay home

while this autumn rain passes

 

gooey pumpkin loaf

in our fancy new oven

and a purring dishwasher

keeping all of the suds in

 

we’re warming the hearth

and decorating the rest

two birds flew the coop

now we have our own nest.

scattered

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“Don’t bite off more than you can chew,” they said. “Time management is my jam!”, I boasted in response. Oh my sweet friends, time management skills…

Pumpkins, witches, press releases, and midterms. Out of state reviews, at home interviews. Rehearsals and lack thereof. Community Land Trust events, a surprise Fireball appearance. Vegan transitioning, city strolling, gift shopping for a soon-to-be5-year-old. Dish washing, pointe shoe prepping, tea date catch ups, Swan Point walks. Show consolidation, damage control; busy messy life. Plans, schedules, routines, lists. Music to my ears.

Most days are spent navigating the quirky soundscape of Aleksandra Vrebalov’s beautiful score, picking apart Viktor’s intricate choreography and placing pieces into my body parts. I smooth them in with a few hundred repetitions. I am a mother in the morning, a widow when the lights darken. Buzzing in the kitchen, lonely in my rocker.

As you can see by the scattered nature of this post, it’s been a busy few weeks. I promise, I’ve been doing a lot of writing! Just not here. If you’d like to see, here’s a bit of what I’ve been up to…

My review of New York City Ballet‘s Here/Now Program celebrating contemporary choreographers, up now on The Wonderful World of Dance.

My interview with beloved children’s book author/illustrator Chris Van Allsburg (The Polar Express, Jumanji)– conducted entirely through snail mail- now on Festival Ballet Providence’s blog.

A press release for our first main stage performance, The Widow’s Broom, up on several different media sites, but here it is on Broadway World.

My interview with Tony Award-winning set designer Eugene Lee (of Wicked, Sweeney Todd, and Saturday Night Live) for Festival Ballet Providence’s blog.

 

photo by Jacob Hoover.

the space between

This post was inspired by Viktor Plotnikov’s choreography, Arvo Pärt’s brilliant composition (I recommend clicking here to listen along while you read), and the enigma of the comatose.
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listless in every sense,
a state of chronic quiescence.
explicitly numb and seemingly unaware of all circumstance,
dormancy has never existed so overtly.

 

deafened by cryptic disfunction,
inanimated without consent,
involuntarily absent from existence,
this paralysis solicits no invitation.

 

an aleatory boarding onto
a train with no destination,
no schedule, and no track,
only its passengers are bound.

 

the persistent innominate “they” say
ignorance is bliss, but
only those who constantly travel
without ever advancing know:
enlightenment exhales elation.

 

so rhythm compensates,
and euphoria hangs in the balance, where
our passengers gently swing,
sweeping in the space between.

 

poetry by me, photo by Madeline Issa.

a new year’s resolution

offguard

Hello!  It’s a new year and with the hanging of fresh calendars comes a new season, new goals, and the setting of new works in the studio.

2014 was a very polarized one for me.  The highs were like dreams, but the lows…unimaginable nightmares.  Great love was lost, accidents erupted, lives were compromised, and relationships evolved.  I have been thinking a lot lately about resolutions, do you make them?  I usually write up a list of relatively unimportant steps to “self betterment”, but while composing an email on that very subject late Monday night, the only resolution I’ll be making this year sort of just….wrote itself…

“By the time December 31st rolls around, I find myself reflecting on the previous year’s self-promises (most of which are unfulfilled, I might add…how typical), and feel obligated to think up a new way to phrase “drink more water” and “pay it forward” in an attempt to trick myself into believing this new year will be, well, new.  This year’s reflection was different, though.  And not because I actually did start drinking more water in 2014 (woohoo!), but because in light of the harshness of life’s fragility making itself impossible to ignore this year, my resolution seemed so obvious to me.  In 2015 I want to really live.  I want to go slowly, do one thing at a time, and actually observe the world around me.  I want to notice if the neighbors down the street painted their fence or a new bit of graffiti has popped up on the building next to the ballet studio.  I want to write to my grandmother more often, strike up a conversation with the stranger putting an alarming amount of sugar in his coffee, and go to sleep each day with at least one new realization, experience, or random conundrum to investigate.  I guess what I mean is I would like to allow my mind to wander away from the meaningless worries of my own overly analytical brain and into the lightness that is taking each day one at a time.”

Some of my favorite moments from 2014…

shooting this Time vs. Money music video for The Bynars

this photoshoot with Andrew Marnier

performing Sugarplum for the first time and booking my first guesting

moving into my first apartment of my own– more updates to follow!

this walk around Swan Point Cemetery

shooting this mock gatorade commercial

being introduced to gwenythbrand

the summer of extreme personal growth

flying off to Neverland

modeling for MAC cosmetics

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rain, rain, go away

afterlight photo

You know how they say “when it rains, it pours”?  Well I think sometimes it pours so much that the ground can’t absorb or displace it and the earth implodes on itself, leaving the atmosphere in a foggy haze of quiet disorder.  Of course, eventually the rumbling vibrations from such an explosion dissipate, and the smokey clouds begin to clear so the sun can blink towards the squinting earth, greeting its old friend trepidatiously- careful not to temper the fragile soil as it rebuilds.  But sometimes these efforts are in vain.  Sometimes just as a bit of goodness touches down, another- bigger, badder- monsoon comes out of nowhere and wipes it all away.

A very wise bear once said, “The trouble with accidents is you can’t see them coming.”  I think what Winnie (or should I say Mr. Pooh?)  meant was that accidents are a precarious combination of trouble and surprise; Not only do they force us to deal with an unfortunate circumstance, but an accident means we must do it suddenly.  They challenge us more than any premeditated disaster ever could, testing our courage, faith, our strength and our resilience- both mental and physical.  They push us to embrace perseverance while imposing their worthy lesson in patience upon our frustrated spirits.  Accidents prove that it’s not until we are faced with an unexpected cataclysm that we are able to truly appreciate the beauty of a calm drizzle.

end of summer bliss

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Ahh, the sweet sights of late summer in New England.

Colorful, shiny, enlightening, trips to the Institute of Contemporary Art, Boston.  Rustic flower arrangements by the beach in York, Maine.  Summer fruits in the spotlight for a healthy breakfast in Providence.  These are the captured moments of happiness and creation that have fueled my curious mind these past few weeks.

It’s all too easy to find one’s self unmotivated, uninspired, stoic, and stir-crazy as mid-August approaches and the nights lose their humidity.  Luckily, that hasn’t been much of a problem for me this year, as planning for my upcoming trip to Ireland (!!!) has kept me beyond activated in the inspiration department.  In 9 days I will fly from Boston to Dublin to meet up with le boyfriend’s family in celebration of his graduation from college.  When the rest of his family returns to the states, K and I will spend another week exploring the beautifully green postcard-ready viewsof Ireland.  Already on the itinerary: a visit to Galway City, Connemara, and hopefully a few more destinations close by.  We plan to hike through the Cliffs of Moher, check out the art museums, hop on board a ‘ukulele bus’ and be lead through the woods of the countryside by donkeys.  If you have any suggestions of sights, restaurants, pubs, or anything else that cannot be skipped- please let me know in the comments section!

all photos via my instagram (@keeksevans)

life lately…

…as told by my iPhone and the instagram application…

Fall is in full swing here in Providence, and I couldn’t be happier about it.  The ground is painted with gilded leaves, the air is almost as crisp as a bushel of fresh apples- but certainly not as sweet!- and squash, cranberry, and all other forms winter fruit/veggie cravings have finally become completely acceptable.  In other words, life is good.

Last weekend I ventured up to Boston for one night (which is always an adventure), then the roommie and I hosted the first of many “app parties”, in which friends gather, a tremendous healthy amount of yummy appetizers are served, and everyone laughs.  Until our stomachs hurt.  Or maybe there was just too much cheese consumed?  Either way I’m okay with it.

What’s your favorite thing about autumn?